MY GRANDDAUGHTER THREW ME OUT OF THE APARTMENT I GAVE HER, SO I GAVE HER A REALITY CHECK.

My 19-year-old granddaughter, Emily, entered the room and cheerfully announced, “Grandma, I’m getting married!”

“What about your education?” I exclaimed.

“Grandma, who needs that? Besides, I’m not going to work as a teacher,” she replied, crossing her arms.

“And how do you plan to live then?” I asked.

“I told you, I’m getting married!” she shouted, frustrated.

“Do you expect your husband to support you? He might leave you…” I warned.

“He’s not going anywhere,” Emily mocked, brushing her hair aside.

“Grandma, since I’m getting married, you have to move out of my apartment,” she declared.

“What apartment?” I asked.

“This one! You left it to me,” she said, chewing gum noisily.

“I left it for you to have after I died,” I reminded her.

“IT’S NOT MY FAULT IF I’M GETTING MARRIED AND YOU’RE STILL ALIVE,” Emily retorted.

“I have nowhere to go,” I protested.

“That’s not my problem,” she replied, making her gum pop.

The next day, Emily kicked me out, and I ended up sleeping in the hallway. I was devastated that my own flesh and blood would do this to me, and I knew I had to teach her a lesson. In the morning, I went to the store and bought a…